Marnie's Story - After She Died

Our time with Marnie at Naomi House lasted about ten days, until Marnie's end eventually came, and she left us peacefully in our arms. People we had grown very fond of in those few days; the immediate carer, the doctor, and the house clergy were with us, but only in the background as support. Our moment with Marnie was very personal and private. After, I was able to take Marnie and wash her body and hair and dress her in her favourite party dress. She looked beautiful and was then rested in a room named 'Butterfly' that was specially designed for such occasions providing an ante-room with seating and a chilled atmosphere bedroom for laying in rest and peace. We cluttered the ante-room with photos and memories of Marnie, and surrounded her in her bed with her favourite toys. We played her favourite tunes to her day and night. 'Butterfly' room was secured by a combination lock door to which only we, and necessary staff, had access and we could enter at any time of day or night.

At the external entrance to Naomi House, a large ornamental butterfly was placed on show to indicate to staff and visitors that a child was now at peace in the 'Butterfly' room and to show appropriate dignity and respect around the house.

The following days are rather a blur for me. We had the task of arranging a Celebration of Marnie's short life and had no idea where to start or how to do it. Something that had to be so right was now causing us further distress. But again, Naomi House was able to provide the support that was needed. They worked with us in deciding what we wanted out of the day to come, what message we wanted to pass onto others from the day, where we wanted to hold the ceremony and what sort of special things we wanted to do for Marnie. So many things to think about at a time when we just wanted to curl up and close off.

Firstly, Naomi House had examples of all previous 'Celebration' days from past experiences. Whilst you might argue that it lacked original thought for us, the choice of content was so overwhelming that it would have been impossible to not find something especially suitable for ourselves. And we did, creating a beautiful set of readings and music that reflected our own feelings as parents and the love from Marnie that we knew would be missed by so many. Naomi House had a beautiful room called the Dovecote - so called because of its circular shape, high conical ceiling, exceptional acoustics and calm, peaceful interior. This was a room that could be used as a Chapel and we chose to do that to accommodate our close friends and family, with a repeat service for all-comers at the Crematorium. The Funeral Directors that we used were affiliated to Naomi House and were exceptionally experienced in dealing with the grief and requirements of a family who had lost a child. Again, no request was too great or small and they did everything in their power to accommodate all our wishes to make the day special. The only costs incurred were those specific to our requirements as there is no particular charge for a child's funeral in the UK. Without their guidance and encouragement, Marnie's Celebration of Life would not have been the beautiful day it was. The simple, moving ceremony in the Dovecote was completed by Georgia leading our friends and family with a trail of scattered rose petals out into the grounds of Sutton Manor for us all to release colourful balloons up to Marnie in heaven.

After the blur of those days, our next emotion was the dark reality of returning home; of leaving the safety and security of new and trusted friends at Naomi House and facing the cold, bleak house that no longer felt like our home. Our story of despair, dark days, and attempts at recovering our family unit continued from then to now and onwards, but from the perspective of Naomi House, they maintained contact to try to offer us, and especially Georgia, counselling support for months after Marnie's death and to try and ease us back into normal community care.

Without Naomi House, our end with Marnie would have been very different. The alternative would have been a combination of hospital and possibly home with all the consequences of impersonal and distracting surroundings for one, and fear and isolation that would have gone with unsupervised care for the other. We would have struggled terribly to cope with Georgia throughout that time, and to cope with our own despair and grief without the support around us of people who have lived through all this so many times before. The fact that I can look back on those final days with some small sense of satisfaction, knowing that Marnie ended her days in a beautiful peaceful place that exuded love and joy, is a testament to the success of such an environment to help us survive the very worse episode that life can throw at you.

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